April cannot come quickly enough <3
We made it. The boys and I finally moved from Michigan to be with my husband in Minnesota. It hasn’t been easy as life hasn’t stopped or slowed down to help us make the adjustment. We love it! We don’t have much at the moment, since all our belongings are still in storage in Illinois from the first move. We’re learning to only live with what we absolutely need instead – it’s been very freeing. If we didn’t have personal effects and important documents in storage I think we’d just leave it. I’m hoping one weekend soon we’ll be able to drive down and pick everything up. Until then we’re using a desk and office chairs as a dining table set, sleeping on air mattresses on the floor, and sitting on a loaned futon as a couch. It does look a bit sad around here – the important thing is we’re together and enjoying every moment in our new state, in our new home!
I normally love Fall. It’s one of my favorite seasons for a variety of reasons. The rich colors, the smokey smells from neighbor’s fires, cider mills, pumpkin everything, Halloween, Thanksgiving, layering clothing, brisk air and crisp leaves.
This year is different.
I’m tired. I’m not referring to not getting enough sleep. I’m losing myself again. I’m thinking bad, bad, bad things. I can tell because all I want to do is sleep the day away instead of participate in life. I need to figure it out. I need my husband and at the same time all I do is fight with him. I want to be with my children and all I do is push them away from me. I want to do so much and instead I do nothing at all. I’m so, so, so tired.
Normally I love Fall – not this year.
I’ve been to this place before – this place of struggle and being far from my husband. I’ve been here before worrying, stressing, breaking down, and I eventually moved on to a better place. I hope I can do it again.
Some of you may or may not know that we recently started a small business back at the end of May, beginning of June this year. It has been an interesting, exciting, roller coaster type of change in direction for our family. I have noticed an increase in headaches with the starting of the business. Do you think they are related (tongue in cheek)?
I’ve never been a front office type of worker. I love to work within a company, among the company employees as the background support for a business. It has taken a lot out of me to be the front office person. I know when you first start a small business a natural part of ownership is to be involved in all aspects of the business’ operations.
I also know that if I had to hire myself as an employee I would never, ever put me in a position that deals directly with customers. It’s not that I’m not able to – it’s just that I’m not able to… I’m an introvert. It takes a lot out of me to be up there and in your face with people in person and/or on the phone.
I wish we were at the point where I could recede into the background and hire someone who likes, as well as excels at front office work. Oh well, I guess I just have to deal with my headaches instead. Pass the aspirin.
The transition to my son’s new elementary school has not been smooth. He started school without his IEP in place. We were told that services he had been receiving and entitled to in Illinois, until the age of nine, end here in Michigan at the age of seven. He’s eight. Eight and extremely lost and confused in the third week of going to school.
Today he was asking to stay home. If you knew him you would know this is a highly unusual request from him. This is a child that would become upset if I made him stay home from school because he was sick. Sure, he has days when he’d rather have a mental health day and I’m okay with that because I know everyone needs a break, even children, even from school – not after being in school for only three weeks though.
Perhaps we were just extremely lucky to have had such an awesome group of teachers, therapists and support staff at the elementary school in Illinois that ensured he had a very well laid out IEP. It makes me cringe that I have to even advocate for the same services at this school in Michigan. I’m angry. I want to do what is right and best for him. I’m also so very tired of having to pull up my sleeves and start all over again. It’s maddening. I know that he’s not gaining much from school at the moment. He comes home, is very short with everyone, and wants to veg out – a big, red flag indicating that he’s not coping at school.
He needs and deserves so much more than what this school can offer him in services. I guess it’s time to look for resources outside of the school. I’m not sure where to even look… I know that normally working from home is so much better for being able to be there for your children. Unfortunately, this job has a lot of phone work and I feel like I’m always hushing him, closing the door, pushing him away when he needs me most – I need to find a balance and I’m falling flat on my face.
I feel like everyone is at the end of their patience level for this whole situation. His tender heart is being crushed by it – I see it in his withdrawal, his snapping at family, and increased stimming and problems with auditory processing. I see us moving backwards instead of forward and it’s disheartening. I’m going to bring this all up at his IEP meeting this Friday. I’m not sure I have the energy to fight for what he needs – I need to find the mental strength to deal with this system.
Keep us in your thoughts on Friday. We need a positive outcome.
I suppose you just start. It has been quite a long time – nearly a year. I’m not sure why I stopped. At the time it seemed like too much going on and not enough time or organization to keep up a little blog.
I really liked using my blog to jot down things I would like to remember or keep track of a project I was currently working on. I’d like to do that again. I’m surprised I haven’t tried coming back sooner with all that has been going on this year – I would have loved to make note of it somewhere, oh well. There is always today!
While I was away from the blog we lost the lease to rent the cute place on Kenston Court. Our landlords decided to rent it to their expecting daughter instead. It’s funny how many times I’ve moved, yet each time it is just as difficult. We stayed in the same town, yet the smaller apartment we ended up renting never became home – I left most of our things packed. I really disliked it a lot. Then we bought a business in Minnesota. I know – insane. For a couple of months in the beginning of summer this year I ran the businesses operations out of that little apartment in Illinois while my husband lived and worked the business in Minnesota.
As some of you may appreciate, sometimes starting a new business makes things a bit tight after leaving a salaried position. Instead of moving the boys and myself to Minnesota with my husband after our lease was up at the end of summer, we came up with the idea of moving back to the house we have in Michigan where my folks are living. Now I’m running our new business from my home office (aka my bedroom) in Michigan while my husband continues to live and work the new business in Minnesota…ha – super insane.
My folks have had a super rough year as well. My father was diagnosed with cancer – Metastatic Adenocarcinoma of uknown primary. Later after further testing it is believed to have originated in his lung. Our lives changed so much after finding out Dad was sick. It is a horrible and scary thing to find out your father has cancer after knowing your Aunt and Uncle had cancer and died because of it. Thankfully after his chemo the cancer was totally gone. Dad is now in remission while going through follow-up chemo sessions, he has three more to go. He also had a port put in to help with the follow-up sessions and it all went wrong, so he’s had it removed and is working on getting healthy again while it heals.
My mom has graciously been taking care of us all – I’m sure she’s almost at her limit. I cannot tell you what a blessing it has been to have her help with the boys while I’m trying to work the business during the day. Georgie going to school during the day has helped and soon Gary will be starting preschool, so for at least three days a week in the morning we’ll all get a break. It’s a strange feeling to move back in with your folks at an older age. Sure we’ve lived together before – it just seems a bit different now. I know we all love each other to pieces all the while wishing for things to get back the way they were soon…lol.
I’m sure I’ve left things out or haven’t explained things very well. I just wanted to get started… you know, the first step.
Thankful for my parents. I value our relationship and the one they have with my boys.
To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
Thankful for the blessing of 365 do-over days.
I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
– J. B. Priestly
Thankful for rainy days.
The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Thankful for individual time with the boys. The Georges are off to Kalamazoo Air Zoo for scouts this weekend. Gary and I get to go on a little adventure – anything is game…hahaha.
A boy’s story is the best that is ever told.
– Charles Dickens