Fall and Tired

I normally love Fall.  It’s one of my favorite seasons for a variety of reasons. The rich colors, the smokey smells from neighbor’s fires, cider mills, pumpkin everything, Halloween, Thanksgiving, layering clothing, brisk air and crisp leaves.

This year is different.

I’m tired.  I’m not referring to not getting enough sleep.  I’m losing myself again.  I’m thinking bad, bad, bad things.  I can tell because all I want to do is sleep the day away instead of participate in life.  I need to figure it out.  I need my husband and at the same time all I do is fight with him.  I want to be with my children and all I do is push them away from me.  I want to do so much and instead I do nothing at all.  I’m so, so, so tired.

Normally I love Fall – not this year.

I’ve been to this place before – this place of struggle and being far from my husband.  I’ve been here before worrying, stressing, breaking down, and I eventually moved on to a better place. I hope I can do it again.


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